I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm both gender and math confused
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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