There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
