If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
