i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
