You just made me feel so damn special
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
pray to the hookup gods
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
