It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They took my balls.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
