its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
