I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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