apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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