is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
