xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
