Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
