Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
