people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
