I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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