Will you blow on my dice?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
