You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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