she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
