Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
