I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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