we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
