I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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