wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
