Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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