wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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