I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
