Have you finally orgasmed yet?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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