Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
