I met the friendliest cop last night
you win again, gameday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
