I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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