guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
zippers are such a cool invention
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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