That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
