My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
