i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
