he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
