I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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