Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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