so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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