halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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