Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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