I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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