i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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