please come you make the beer taste better
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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