I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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