sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
