So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
