Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize