I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
