MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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