girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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