Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
