did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
