so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
