she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
