From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Too much gin, very little bucket
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
